More about Born of the Heart

Several years ago, when my husband and I decided to foster, we knew no other foster families. The more we got into the fostering, the more we met other families. Of course, not all of them shared our beliefs and values and we found that hanging out at agency functions were tolerable at best. So we fostered alone for the most part.

The only fairly sane foster family we knew had parented several of the children in our house. Being severly RAD, this caused a LOT of conflict when we would socialize. So, we didn't. Again, we were doing it alone, with the help of one sane SW. We dealt with many a SW(social worker) but for the most part, they were no help at all.

So, year after year of not having a mutual understanding with anyone. Yes, six year olds can lie about whether or not they've eaten today. You don't have to declare a state of emergency at the school so that he can eat alone, in the cafeteria, with the lunch ladies, and get extra attention that reinforces the fact that he has a mean foster mommy. I decided that I needed more, and there was no more out there at the time, so I made it up.

That's how I got Born of the Heart. I wanted to substantiate that these children are labored into our families just as painfully as laboring a child from your womb. Different, but the same. Yes, maybe the actual acquisition of a child is 'pain free' but there is so much else pain involved with adoption that goes unrecognized and unsupported.

Whether you decide to adopt because of fertility issues, or because there are kids out there who need it, you are going to have things come up that others just don't understand. Also, as women, we like to talk about it, hash out every little detail, mull over what we did, how it worked, how it didn't, what we'd do better next time, and on and on.... I found that my husband doesn't. Not that he's distant and disconnected. He just doesn't feel the need to. So, I figured a women's group would be the perfect avenue.

Also, our church is a mega church. There are many, many adoptive families. Our pastor has adopted internationally. Worship leaders and small group leaders, we are just a church that is very touched by adoption, and sharing that experience is something that I wanted. So, last year I started this group, the blog followed because it was a good way to communicate our happenings to the group. Then I found the joys of bloggy world and got a whole new community in addition to our group.

One of the other foster mommy's is a frequent visitor here, but we had not met until this past weekend. Another foster family was in a legal battle for their son when we met. I don't know how helpful we were, but we were there to support them through getting the child who'd been with them for 18 months returned to their home and adopted. Another thing we've helped people with is educating them on the different 'incentives' that are available to them as adoptive parents. With private and international adoptions you can write off the actual expenses, when you adopt through the foster system, you get a rebate whether or not you incurred any actual expenses. Many people have not been properly educated on this matter. Many know about the Medicaid benefits and decide not to take them, not realizing the long term implications. That is something I've researched and have helped others with.

So, this is why we're here. To support each other through our journeys as parents of children who didn't come out of our bodies. Be it the paperwork, the legal matters, the parenting issues, or just having someone understand that you are not a crazy foster mommy who doesn't "ever" feed her babies. And to share the joys that are unique to us as well.

Hey Janes

At our local church we had our women's ministry fall expo this weekend. For those of you 'out there' in bloggy world, this blog was started as part of that ministry. For those of you coming from the Janes expo, first of all welcome, second of all this is where we 'meet' to discuss all of the aspects of raising children who we bore in our hearts. This may mean step parenting, or fostering, or foster/adopt, or domestic or international adoption. And, when I say 'we' meet, I mean that I write and you stop by, commenting if you want. Venting if you need to. Ask questions, there are at least four other people reading this blog on a regular basis. Someone will know your answer.

Also, Janes, we meet......sometimes. A lot of the time we are emailing, or calling, or whatever is needed. I am looking forward to meeting one of my Janes tomorrow when she stops by to help me with my booth. We've communicated so much we both find it hard to believe that we've never actually met. Another BOTH Jane and I see each other often, others not so much.

I am the designated leader of the group, but in no way shape or form the boss of it all. If you need something call me. All of my contact information is on the Janes website. If you got info about our group from a satellite location, let me know you're out there.

Another question posed this evening is the ages of the kids in our group. We have all ages. Babies to teens and everything in between. Should we ever meet I will warn you there is no formal child care. Many of the families have numerous children and finding someone to watch 25-40 kids, Yikes. If you aren't comfortable with the free for all run amokedness that comes with 40 kids in a house then you will need to arrange for your own childcare.

So, whether you adopted 15 years ago or are in the beginning stages of your home study, there is someone here who is going through the same. I will be contacting everyone who signed up at the main campus at some point during the week. And we are so looking forward to hanging out with you. Please don't be scared by what you read or hear here, it's really not that bad. Well, actually it is that bad, but that is why we're here. To help each other through the rough spots.

Welcome

Thanks for visiting us here at Born of the heart. I thank God for the hearts that long to raise children that were not born of their body. Let me know you're out there. I can't wait to meet you.