Friday, March 14, 2008


A couple weeks ago we had some friends over to help celebrate the threesomes three year party. It was a birthday party of sorts for all of them. Our dear friend makes awesome cakes and has made one for the babies as she does for the rest of our family. This particular get together had new people who hadn't experienced our friend's cakes, so we were going through my old cake photos on my phone. Of course our vanity babies saw us looking at pictures on the phone and wanted to see all of theirs.

We showed baby girl pictures, we showed baby boy photos. Little Middle wanted to see his. I showed him all the pictures we had of him, going back to the first picture we have of him taken on the day he arrived. He wanted his baby pictures. We have none. Even though it is a "right" of his to have his pictures, this rarely happens.

I have a couple of my baby pictures at our home, but most of them reside at my parents' house. I still like looking at them. I was pretty cute. I can't relate to little middle's dilema, I don't really need to see my pictures but is it because I have them?

Luckily things are okay between Mama and I right now, so I asked her to bring some pictures. She obliged with the only two that she had, both taken in the hospital. One is so poorly lit you cannot tell there is a baby in the picture.

It surprised me to see how much this relieved little middle's anxiety about the whole situation. One picture gave him validation that he was actually a baby or something. He has stopped asking to see other pictures of him.

What saddens me about this whole situation is that from the age of six months to eighteen months, arguably the most photographed time in a person's life, unless you're Britney, there was no one who was interested in taking pictures of him. He spent that time in five different homes.

I don't know for sure if we have made up for the missing year of his life, but we have several pictures of him. Some cute, but a lot that are documenting his craziness. He's where? He's done what? Either way, there are a lot of pictures.

I've often wondered about his earlier pictures, but even when I saw the ones that his Mama brought, didn't really do anything for me. They were not my memories. I have this reaction to others' pictures as well. My husband's old baseball pictures are cute, but I can't remember everything about that time in his life, because I was not there. I'm sure he's equally stirred by my old pictures.

In the past other kids have brought their pictures, it was sad to see the parade of "Mother's Day" pictures, each year with a different "mother". I also wonder if my photos were to be destroyed by fire of flood if it would bother me. I know they existed, I remember what they looked like. Is is the picture itself, or the memory that it represents. I obviously don't remember the happenings surrounding my baby pictures, but the fact that they exist must mean that that time meant something to someone.

The answers aren't forthcoming. I do know that there are lot's of photographic opportunities that I've missed in my children's life. Just because I didn't have a camera or didn't take the time, or whatever other reason. The twins don't have their third birthday with only two candle pictures, because of operator error on my camera, but it's in my mind until time takes it from me. And besides, will anyone beyond their children even care about the thousands of pictures that will exist of them in their lifetime? Who knows.

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