I was over at another site that has since been removed, reading about different opinions on adoption. One anonymous commenter quoted Job 24:9 " The fatherless child is snatched from the breast; the infant of the poor is seized for a debt." Using the Bible to say that God is against adoption. From what I can tell this anonymous commenter had a child that was adopted by another family.
Let me first say that I cannot imagine what this is like. It doesn't take much for me to conjure up some empathy for Mama when I think about it. Both of us love our babies, and call them our own. She did not directly choose to lose her children, although through her actions or lack thereof she chose. I did not snatch them, I did not buy them.
Later on in the same chapter of Job vs 21 it goes on to say "They prey on the barren and childless woman," another evil of the adoption world. Women, some of whom are not even pregnant, who offer their babies to multiple families for the "expenses".
It is said that evil rides a white horse. Evil knows that if he shows up on a black horse we would fight with all of our might against it. I believe that adoption is a good thing. We could have had more biological children, we chose not to. With any good thing that can be thought of there is an evil side to it.
Showing posts with label BOTH. Show all posts
Showing posts with label BOTH. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
These are not my kids
any of them. Regardless of whether they were born of my body or born of my heart. They are investments that God has given my husband and I to look after. Given that life expectancy is creeping towards 80 in America, we are entrusted with the first quarter. We are charged with laying the foundation. And we all know that without a strong foundation, the storms will come and all will be lost.
I live in a part of the country where every commercial break on the radio has an ad for foundation repair. You can go back and shore up the structure, it's more costly than doing it right the first time, and there will be evidence of the structural failure that you can't erase.
God help my first kid, I was just putting up bricks hoping to keep out the rain. Did a little better with my second, even better with the third. But it wasn't great
1 Corinthians 4:7 (Whole Chapter) For what gives you the right to make such a judgment? What do you have that God hasn’t given you? And if everything you have is from God, why boast as though it were not a gift?
Me and My Big (Typing Fingers)
I mentioned a couple of days ago that we use our little orphans as a tax deduction. (See, I'm already at it.) This is apparently unpopular. I am supposed to be doing this out of the goodness of my heart. Believe me, if it weren't for my heart for these children I'd be working at Target and making more money, it wouldn't be 24/7 and I'd have a convertible.
I would first like to point out to those of you who have just joined me, that the only reason these children are still in foster care is that the state can't focus ten minutes of energy into the case and get the parents rights terminated. Had they done that two years ago as is "required by law" we'd have adopted the kids and deducting them.
I've been told, incorrectly according to the IRS, that the only way I can deduct the children is if I report the income that I receive for caring for them. Your income isn't decided on what you are claiming as a deduction. Income is a legally defined term. Foster care money is not income, it's child support from the state. If you care to research for yourself go to www.irs.gov and check it out for yourself. Of course you could Google "can I claim my foster children as dependents on my taxes" or something of the sort. What you will find is opinion. So what if your caseworker told you you can't, I don't care what your friend does. I don't care how long you've been a foster parent and haven't claimed them, the IRS says I can, but you don't have to believe me.
I should have learned after all of these years of fostering that some people just don't want help or advice from someone who has been there. The parents don't want to attend parenting classes because they have all the answers.
I would first like to point out to those of you who have just joined me, that the only reason these children are still in foster care is that the state can't focus ten minutes of energy into the case and get the parents rights terminated. Had they done that two years ago as is "required by law" we'd have adopted the kids and deducting them.
I've been told, incorrectly according to the IRS, that the only way I can deduct the children is if I report the income that I receive for caring for them. Your income isn't decided on what you are claiming as a deduction. Income is a legally defined term. Foster care money is not income, it's child support from the state. If you care to research for yourself go to www.irs.gov and check it out for yourself. Of course you could Google "can I claim my foster children as dependents on my taxes" or something of the sort. What you will find is opinion. So what if your caseworker told you you can't, I don't care what your friend does. I don't care how long you've been a foster parent and haven't claimed them, the IRS says I can, but you don't have to believe me.
I should have learned after all of these years of fostering that some people just don't want help or advice from someone who has been there. The parents don't want to attend parenting classes because they have all the answers.
Who do you bump into
I get two days of Mothers Day Out each week. That gives me ten hours to do what it is I need and want to do without little ones each week. This can only be accomplished by hurrying.
One day I was hurrying around the mall, still in search for the perfect black, flat, open toed shoe, and there she was. A little old lady not getting on the escalator. Annoyed, yes I know, considering the grace I've been given....anyway, the escalator was not in operation that day and she needed help walking down them as stairs. Fine, but this is eating into my day......
So, what is the first thing that she says to me, after asking for my help?
"God always sends you someone just when you need them." The rest of the conversation was a direct lecture from the Big Guy himself, although she was doing the talking. By the time we reached the bottom it was clear to me that the world did not revolve around me and what I wanted to do, that people are not always in my life for what they can do for me, but rather what they can do for me when I do for them. There are times in my life when I wonder what road I was on that crossed my path with so and so.
One day I was hurrying around the mall, still in search for the perfect black, flat, open toed shoe, and there she was. A little old lady not getting on the escalator. Annoyed, yes I know, considering the grace I've been given....anyway, the escalator was not in operation that day and she needed help walking down them as stairs. Fine, but this is eating into my day......
So, what is the first thing that she says to me, after asking for my help?
"God always sends you someone just when you need them." The rest of the conversation was a direct lecture from the Big Guy himself, although she was doing the talking. By the time we reached the bottom it was clear to me that the world did not revolve around me and what I wanted to do, that people are not always in my life for what they can do for me, but rather what they can do for me when I do for them. There are times in my life when I wonder what road I was on that crossed my path with so and so.
Dump and Run
Foster families are quite familiar with this technique. CPS shows up with a kid very dissimilar to the one they described and before you know it they are gone. Before I found the right fit for a caseworker, my agency was no help at all. Our agency would tell us that if we refused a placement after we agreed to it that we'd stop getting calls.
They "forget" to tell you what disabilites a child might have. A friend of mine was brought a double amputee, no one had mentioned that this girl had prosthetic legs, there was no mention of it in the paperwork. The girl was wearing pants when they brought her, and the next morning she came out to breakfast in shorts and no legs. Later CPS came by and tried to get my friend to modify her home to ADA standards, including a very costly bathroom remodel.
We were called for an 11 year old deaf girl. Her only problem was that she was deaf. She'd been neglected a little, but otherwise a normal happy girl needing a place to live. What showed up at my house was a fourteen year old girl who had gender identity issues. While it didn't say it in her paperwork, she'd been raped by just about every close relative and when she was sent to a deaf school in another state the abuse continued. She'd spent most of her time since leaving the deaf school in one mental hospital or another. She had a medication list as long as all the other kids in our home combined, but since she had just been released from a hospital and the caseworker didn't bring her hospital meds, Medicaid would not pay for additional meds for the month. It was the third of August. Every August in our state we run out of money for foster care, fiscal year starts in September. CPS provides only essential services, returning calls about a psychotic kid who's trying to kill you is not one of those services. We then became the next family who had to call the cops to get her dragged into a mental hospital in the middle of the night.
Of course this is the way it works. They will tell you whatever they can to get you to take a placement, then they disappear.
They "forget" to tell you what disabilites a child might have. A friend of mine was brought a double amputee, no one had mentioned that this girl had prosthetic legs, there was no mention of it in the paperwork. The girl was wearing pants when they brought her, and the next morning she came out to breakfast in shorts and no legs. Later CPS came by and tried to get my friend to modify her home to ADA standards, including a very costly bathroom remodel.
We were called for an 11 year old deaf girl. Her only problem was that she was deaf. She'd been neglected a little, but otherwise a normal happy girl needing a place to live. What showed up at my house was a fourteen year old girl who had gender identity issues. While it didn't say it in her paperwork, she'd been raped by just about every close relative and when she was sent to a deaf school in another state the abuse continued. She'd spent most of her time since leaving the deaf school in one mental hospital or another. She had a medication list as long as all the other kids in our home combined, but since she had just been released from a hospital and the caseworker didn't bring her hospital meds, Medicaid would not pay for additional meds for the month. It was the third of August. Every August in our state we run out of money for foster care, fiscal year starts in September. CPS provides only essential services, returning calls about a psychotic kid who's trying to kill you is not one of those services. We then became the next family who had to call the cops to get her dragged into a mental hospital in the middle of the night.
Of course this is the way it works. They will tell you whatever they can to get you to take a placement, then they disappear.
Cleaning House
I'm morphing this site into my others to get one big happy site. There will be a lot of drafts getting published today as I do a little housecleaning. They will all appear on the new site soon:) These have all been written but not published for whatever reason, some are still not ready, or complete, but as I read them I feel they need to be published as they are.
Monday, March 9, 2009
My little money makers
I was recently reminded that some people think foster parents are in it for the money. Yes, that's so true. Here is what we have to go through to get our $21.00/day
Baby gates that didn't work - $60
Baby gates that did work - $135
Baby proofing that didn't work - $45
Putting locks on every door in our house - $75
Chains and door stoppers - $60
New washer and dryer $1400
Miles on car each month attributed soley to fostering - 440
Pullups each month $56
Babysitting $10/hour plus $125/year for licensing
Fire inspection $60/year
Health inspection $45/year
CPR and First Aid class $60/person over 14/year
Mothers Day Out $570/month
McDonalds on visit days $16
Gas station snacks on visit days $8
Sippy cups $1000 (give or take)
Car seats $300
Beds broken $240
Remodeling to accomodate $2500 probably more
Bandaids $400/month
Then there are the hundreds of rolls of toilet paper, the new toilet that will flush shampoo bottles because somebody is always trying to flush something that they shouldn't and we got tired of paying the plumber. The countless bottles of their brother's shampoo and body wash that he won't put away, (I don't pay for that though), the gallons of paint we will need when they get over their artistic phase. The upholstery they've cut, the dvd players they've overfed. The dvd's they've broken. The upholstery in the car. The 12 passenger van, the repairs to the 12 passenger van. The brand new 8 seater van. The 20 hours of training we're required to take each year to learn how to do this.
All of this is before we actually want to do something with them or take them somewhere.
And if that is not enough, the state has the great idea that each April they do a new contract for their Medicaid provider. So, each April I have to go back to the pediatrician and get a referral to a specialist that my children have seen since birth. After receiving the referral I then have to go and see the specialist. I have 30 days from the time we get on the program to visit the pediatrician and the specialist for each kid. This means two unnecessary visits per child per year. That might not seem like a lot, but how many thousands of children are in foster care, gues who's paying for two extra visits? You are. This is why we want socialized medicine? I also have to take them in each year for a psychological evaluation. One is required for each foster kid every year, by law, there is no getting out of it. If that isn't bad enough, I have to take them in for an assessment prior to the psychological to see if they need one, we've already established that whether they need one or not they are getting one. Then following the assessment to see if they need something that they are required to get, we have to wait for approval to get it. This can take anywhere from 45 to 60 days. I cannot take them in for their assessment to see if they need one until the month that they are due for one, I am also required to get their evaluation in the month that they are due. I have been cited every year for not getting them the psychological care that they need in a timely manner.
This is the same with dental care. Most dentist won't schedule an appointment unless your current Medicaid card says dental checkup required. It doesn't say that until the month it is due. When is the last time you tried to get into a pediatric dentist? There is a six week waiting period at mine, even though I take all of my foster kids there every six months and have been doing so for the past four years. Luckily I now have a friend there and she just overrides the system to say I'll pay for it if Medicaid doesn't come through.
We also have to double lock our medication and knives. We have to separate our medicine into categories of prescription, non-prescription, psychotropic, topical. Each category must be locked separately. And let's say we'd like to cut our WIC cheese, it requires that we unlock a door and then unlock the lock box in which we keep our knives. We have to have thermometers in our fridge and freezer, to keep our WIC food at the proper temperature. And we have to get WIC. This requires monthly visits to WIC for each kid. We can't get the multiple months everybody else gets, because the kids might go home, even though they haven't for three years. God knows I'd really like to get one over on the WIC people and be able to get $60 worth of free food, which is exactly what I'll be thinking if they take the kids. I only go when they agree to give me the multiple months because quite frankly one trip to WIC ain't worth sixty bucks.
So, we are either stupid at math or we're not doing it for the money.
Friday, February 27, 2009
I'm giving things up for the New Year
This blog is going to be one of them. Keeping up with multiples is hard, like I didn't know that, come on. So, less is more and you can keep up with all of our shenanigans and believe me, there are plenty, by following me here.
And thanks to hubby for the technical support.
And thanks to hubby for the technical support.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
This is scary, but not "boo" scary
A couple of weeks ago we started Christmas shopping. We saw something for Princess we HAD to had to get. It was a princess set where the princess bore a remarkable likeness to our own princess. Well, we got it home, tossed it up into the attic and forgot about it until today when I went to wrap a few items. While I was taking this picture.....
I noticed something else. Not only could our own princess have been the model for the toy, THEY HAVE THE SAME NAME. Now I don't normally disclose the names of any of the kiddos on this, don't want anybody Googling us and finding out our dirty little secrets. But if the name in image is a problem, hubby will let me know.
And like the princess toy, our own little princess can sit, stand and hold things in her hand. But is that brush not ridiculously large? I thought so. When you share it with her pony I guess it has to be.
We also got her the castle to go with her princess, but the castle comes with a blonde princess wannabe, I was going to kick blondie to the curb. Hubby thought it might be better that blondie became the bff. What is it with us girls and our jealousies? So, she get's a Madame Tussaud like replica of herself, a prince, a pony, but also a skinny blonde. What more can a girl ask for?
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Anything you say can and will be used against you ....when you least expect it
My oh MY, did we have an eventful Urgent Care visit this evening. As you'll recall, Princess was suspected to have a UTI, and with Felpsy's arm reset, we didn't have time to get to the pediatrician during office hours, so it was left to Urgent Care. Thank you God for inventing that little gem, nine hours in the ER is NO FUN.
Felpsy and I got back from the bone doc, his biggest fear? Not that his severed bone would pierce his skin, that's mine. No, that Bob would be mad at him. Bob wasn't, of course Bob gets paid twice. Bob being the surly man who has been doing this for 30 years and only seen someone take off the plaster "a couple of times." Felpsy, use your powers for good.
Anyway, I walk in the door, tag Felpsy out and Princess in. Of course Booger is feeling left out, so he and Daddy joined us, leaving Big Girl and Big Boy to watch Radical and Felpsy.
I signed in the heir apparent and while waiting was doing the monthly paperwork, and the paperwork from the numerous medical visits. Princess and Booger took turns for a moment on the fun things they had to offer, then began to fight over them, jump off the furniture and other naughty kid things that drive us all crazy. Daddy offered to stay with her while I took Booger home, then I reminded Daddy about collecting the urine from a three year old girl part and he decided we'd both stay. Well, Princess had to go before we got in so we got a sample cup and biohazard bag from the receptionist and headed for the bathroom. We returned moments later with Princess proudly holding her bagged and cupped urine waving it around for all to see. Announcing to the world that she got to pee in a cup and here it is, look. See? Receptionist didn't want it so we got to keep it. Woohoo.
Before during or after this, an ambulance pulls into the ambulance bay and Princess starts screaming, "he's dead, oh no, he's dead, oh my goodness, oh my goodness." I informed her that they don't send an ambulance when you die, which set the 12 year old girl with the broken nose into fits of laughter. Which was good, because she had NOT been in a good mood.
Daddy and Booger had left for a walk and returned. And put down the coffee, send the children into another room, this is where it gets good. Princess climbs up on her dad's lap and says in herloudest quietest three year old voice "Daddy, what's that in your pants? Daddy, what is that? It's not your phone. What is it? Daddy, WHAT IS THAT in your pants?" For the record everyone, it WAS his phone. We and the twelve year old nearly died laughing.
The rest of the evening, yawn. She doesn't have a UTI, but she has something, which means.....you guessed, another doctor visit. Yippee. When do I get a raise? My last one was $0.24 a day, two years ago. I'd sell out to TLC, but I don't have video consent privileges, yet.....
Felpsy and I got back from the bone doc, his biggest fear? Not that his severed bone would pierce his skin, that's mine. No, that Bob would be mad at him. Bob wasn't, of course Bob gets paid twice. Bob being the surly man who has been doing this for 30 years and only seen someone take off the plaster "a couple of times." Felpsy, use your powers for good.
Anyway, I walk in the door, tag Felpsy out and Princess in. Of course Booger is feeling left out, so he and Daddy joined us, leaving Big Girl and Big Boy to watch Radical and Felpsy.
I signed in the heir apparent and while waiting was doing the monthly paperwork, and the paperwork from the numerous medical visits. Princess and Booger took turns for a moment on the fun things they had to offer, then began to fight over them, jump off the furniture and other naughty kid things that drive us all crazy. Daddy offered to stay with her while I took Booger home, then I reminded Daddy about collecting the urine from a three year old girl part and he decided we'd both stay. Well, Princess had to go before we got in so we got a sample cup and biohazard bag from the receptionist and headed for the bathroom. We returned moments later with Princess proudly holding her bagged and cupped urine waving it around for all to see. Announcing to the world that she got to pee in a cup and here it is, look. See? Receptionist didn't want it so we got to keep it. Woohoo.
Before during or after this, an ambulance pulls into the ambulance bay and Princess starts screaming, "he's dead, oh no, he's dead, oh my goodness, oh my goodness." I informed her that they don't send an ambulance when you die, which set the 12 year old girl with the broken nose into fits of laughter. Which was good, because she had NOT been in a good mood.
Daddy and Booger had left for a walk and returned. And put down the coffee, send the children into another room, this is where it gets good. Princess climbs up on her dad's lap and says in her
The rest of the evening, yawn. She doesn't have a UTI, but she has something, which means.....you guessed, another doctor visit. Yippee. When do I get a raise? My last one was $0.24 a day, two years ago. I'd sell out to TLC, but I don't have video consent privileges, yet.....
If I Stop Laughing, I'm Going to Cry
Yesterday, bright and early we were off to see the orthopedist to get Felpsy's arm set. 2 hours I will never get back. Frustrating that the receptionist would not give me the medical report which needs to be turned into CPS within 24 hours of a visit of this nature. "I'm not sure Foster Parent's get these." OK then I can't consent and you just treated a foster kid without consent you bad girl. She informed me that I could get a copy from medical records later this week, if I had the correct paperwork. Blug- referred to my agency, no longer my problem.
We were to go back in ten short days to get it off, but Felpsy took care of it last night. I'm sure I've told you all that he has a nervous habit of scratching the insides of his elbows until they are whiter than I, kind of hard to do when you have a plaster cast on. But if you pull out all the stuffing you can slide that puppy right off. So, here we go again.
Well, in the midst off all of this, daycare called, Princess needed a change of clothes. I had left some there as is policy, well she had not one but two accidents today. Of course, once the twins saw me, I was taking them home. We got home about nap time, had them go potty and hop into bed. Princess was going potty and screaming bloody murder. UTI. So, back to Urgent Care later this evening, once we get back from the orthopedic reset.
Thank God that Big Girl is home this week. She was able to sit on the ones staying home so I didn't have to take all three to what will have to be the least exciting events of my week. Medical waiting rooms.
We have five doctor visits in less than a week, and now Big Girl thinks she may have a sinus infection. Goodbye flexible spending account, we'll miss you.
We were to go back in ten short days to get it off, but Felpsy took care of it last night. I'm sure I've told you all that he has a nervous habit of scratching the insides of his elbows until they are whiter than I, kind of hard to do when you have a plaster cast on. But if you pull out all the stuffing you can slide that puppy right off. So, here we go again.
Well, in the midst off all of this, daycare called, Princess needed a change of clothes. I had left some there as is policy, well she had not one but two accidents today. Of course, once the twins saw me, I was taking them home. We got home about nap time, had them go potty and hop into bed. Princess was going potty and screaming bloody murder. UTI. So, back to Urgent Care later this evening, once we get back from the orthopedic reset.
Thank God that Big Girl is home this week. She was able to sit on the ones staying home so I didn't have to take all three to what will have to be the least exciting events of my week. Medical waiting rooms.
We have five doctor visits in less than a week, and now Big Girl thinks she may have a sinus infection. Goodbye flexible spending account, we'll miss you.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
The best fourth hand information available
So, I have a friend who has a friend......Seriously though, my babies have an oldest brother, who has a foster parent, who has a caseworker who went to court today. She reports that the judge has suspended visits, imposed a time limit of six months (gasp, I know....) and told Mama that if she would like to show cause for resuming visits she will have to have her ducks in a row and petition the court. The attorney for Mama did not show today, and Mama appeared for herself, first time in over 15 months that she has even attended court.
Now, I am not sure if this six month limit is a hard and fast, reunify or terminate six months, or if it is the point at which they start the termination proceedings. I am hoping that it is termination due to the fact that Felpsy is going in to Kindergarten next year and I would like to keep him in a private school setting for as long as we are able. This would not be possible, because foster children are not allowed to attend private schools. Boo. Hiss. He has been eligible for Early Head Start and Pre-K and I could save $$$$$. But we are really enjoying his preschool experience and today when we stopped in to tell his class that we were not coming due to his broken arm, his teacher stopped the class so they could all pray for him. While I know there are many Christian's in public schools, they cannot stop class to have everyone pray.
Anyway, I've asked the attorney to give me an official report by end of biz tomorrow, so if any of this information changes, I'll be sure to let you all know.
Thanks for your prayers.
BTW - We saw the pediatrician for the broken arm, and he forwarded all of the info to an orthopedist. We have not heard from said orthopedist, and the ped says not to be concerned if it is Friday or next week before we get in. So, ok, good thing we rushed him in. Apparently, poorly healed fractures are only bad if there isn't thousands of dollars of tax payer money being redistributed to not get urgent care. My rant for a different day. I am thankful that the state is picking up the bill on that, I just wonder how many people couldn't afford to take their kid in on something like this, who are later deemed bad parents. This obviously isn't emergent, and no one seems surprised. Felpsy was not in agony, and has only taken one dose of Ibuprofen, and only because he heard the doctor say "if he needs it" and of course he did. Nothing has been said today about any pain. Anyway, like I said, we'll save that for another day.
Again, thanks for all your prayers.
Now, I am not sure if this six month limit is a hard and fast, reunify or terminate six months, or if it is the point at which they start the termination proceedings. I am hoping that it is termination due to the fact that Felpsy is going in to Kindergarten next year and I would like to keep him in a private school setting for as long as we are able. This would not be possible, because foster children are not allowed to attend private schools. Boo. Hiss. He has been eligible for Early Head Start and Pre-K and I could save $$$$$. But we are really enjoying his preschool experience and today when we stopped in to tell his class that we were not coming due to his broken arm, his teacher stopped the class so they could all pray for him. While I know there are many Christian's in public schools, they cannot stop class to have everyone pray.
Anyway, I've asked the attorney to give me an official report by end of biz tomorrow, so if any of this information changes, I'll be sure to let you all know.
Thanks for your prayers.
BTW - We saw the pediatrician for the broken arm, and he forwarded all of the info to an orthopedist. We have not heard from said orthopedist, and the ped says not to be concerned if it is Friday or next week before we get in. So, ok, good thing we rushed him in. Apparently, poorly healed fractures are only bad if there isn't thousands of dollars of tax payer money being redistributed to not get urgent care. My rant for a different day. I am thankful that the state is picking up the bill on that, I just wonder how many people couldn't afford to take their kid in on something like this, who are later deemed bad parents. This obviously isn't emergent, and no one seems surprised. Felpsy was not in agony, and has only taken one dose of Ibuprofen, and only because he heard the doctor say "if he needs it" and of course he did. Nothing has been said today about any pain. Anyway, like I said, we'll save that for another day.
Again, thanks for all your prayers.
Court Today
No big changes expected, but it's at 2:00 central time, send up a little prayer about that time that all goes well for our babies and their siblings.
Also, Felpsy and I will be fixing his funny bone today, he broke it just below the shoulder last night.
Thanks so much for your prayers, they mean the world to us.
Also, Felpsy and I will be fixing his funny bone today, he broke it just below the shoulder last night.
Thanks so much for your prayers, they mean the world to us.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Socially Active Teens
She always has the best stories. One such reminded me of this.
Our pediatrician is an American by choice. Austrian by birth. His bedside manner as well as his english have a lot to be desired, but I can call, get in, see him, get a prescription filled and be home in under an hour. This with three kids under five, I'll deal with the heavy accent and the gruffness, time is something you never get back, and sitting three hours in a waiting room is not how I choose to spend my life. As an added bonus, he seems to know everything and has diagnosed many things that others have missed.
He is quite accommodating to the scores of children I have, trying to see them all at once so I don't have to make multiple trips. One day, we had the entire posse in his big room. Getting all of the preliminary background on all of them before taking them off to examine them more closely in the small room. One by one he asked me if the born of the heart babies were adjusting well, were "socially active" knowing all about their psychological issues and such, these were relevant questions for the BOTH children. Then he gets to my BOB girl. A teen who will remain nameless. She being the oldest he asks if she is "sexually active". I replied, "no, I don't think so." Big girl then chimes in with "I AM TOO MOM. I HAVE LOTS OF FRIENDS." Then starts naming them one by one by one, girls and boys with which she hangs. Indignant that I would see her as unpopular. I shot her a look and mouthed "sexually" at which point she died. Luckily we were in a doctors office, but that poor girl has not gone back since.
Our pediatrician is an American by choice. Austrian by birth. His bedside manner as well as his english have a lot to be desired, but I can call, get in, see him, get a prescription filled and be home in under an hour. This with three kids under five, I'll deal with the heavy accent and the gruffness, time is something you never get back, and sitting three hours in a waiting room is not how I choose to spend my life. As an added bonus, he seems to know everything and has diagnosed many things that others have missed.
He is quite accommodating to the scores of children I have, trying to see them all at once so I don't have to make multiple trips. One day, we had the entire posse in his big room. Getting all of the preliminary background on all of them before taking them off to examine them more closely in the small room. One by one he asked me if the born of the heart babies were adjusting well, were "socially active" knowing all about their psychological issues and such, these were relevant questions for the BOTH children. Then he gets to my BOB girl. A teen who will remain nameless. She being the oldest he asks if she is "sexually active". I replied, "no, I don't think so." Big girl then chimes in with "I AM TOO MOM. I HAVE LOTS OF FRIENDS." Then starts naming them one by one by one, girls and boys with which she hangs. Indignant that I would see her as unpopular. I shot her a look and mouthed "sexually" at which point she died. Luckily we were in a doctors office, but that poor girl has not gone back since.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
I Am OH So Tired of This
Can I just say that they should not call it anything close to CHILD Protective Services. It seems that the only thing the department has protected our children from is a loving, stable, and permanent family. Thanks guys, really dodged that bullet kiddos.
Today we had a visit, and I don't know if it's the transporter's job to upset everyone, but she has a knack for it. I do a dump and run, because I don't want to be accused of hovering over Mama's time. The other foster parent stays and then gives me the run down. He pulled me aside after the visit and told me that the kids that were placed in the same town as Mama had been going on weekend visits, and they are planning on starting weekend visits with ours after the next hearing on 12/3. He told me a bunch of other things that the transporter said.
I called the ex-mother-in-law who has one of the kids in the sibling group. She confirmed that the local kids were going to unsupervised in home visits every Saturday. She also told me that mama's psychiatrist had recommended weekend visits, the department said no visits, and the judge compromised and made the visits Saturday only.
Ex-MIL told me that she has also been told, like myself and one of the other foster parents, that the department is going to ask for termination in December. What we don't understand is that if they are less than six weeks from terminating, why are they starting in home unsupervised visits? The kids have been in care for over four years, there have never been any unsupervised visits, why would they start unsupervised visits less than six weeks before they terminate rights?
I spoke to CPS this week and they told me that there were no significant changes. Wait, unsupervised visits aren't significant? Of course, I haven't even seen my CPS caseworker since July, and the only reason I saw him then was that he was forced by the judge to lay eyes on the kids before we took them on vacation.
I have long since concluded that the department is either dishonest or incompetent, or that there is a larger criminal force at work here. Remember this is the department who couldn't find a criminal record on someone who was sitting in jail on a probation violation. Why, because they forgot that one can also commit federal crimes. Oops. It frightens me that the welfare of my children are in these hands.
We have been cautioned by our attorney to not distinguish our kids from the sibling group, as that might leave the sibling group vulnerable to reunification. It is easier to reunify three than six. Yet, I am at the point that I don't care. I need to look out for my children, and my family.
I MUST remember that God is in control. I would like it most if we could sit down and speak Mommy to Mama, but it has been forbidden. So, this is something that I will have to leave to Him. I hate it, I want to be able to do something. This is not what I envisioned when I took that call four years ago. This all must stop, and soon.
Today we had a visit, and I don't know if it's the transporter's job to upset everyone, but she has a knack for it. I do a dump and run, because I don't want to be accused of hovering over Mama's time. The other foster parent stays and then gives me the run down. He pulled me aside after the visit and told me that the kids that were placed in the same town as Mama had been going on weekend visits, and they are planning on starting weekend visits with ours after the next hearing on 12/3. He told me a bunch of other things that the transporter said.
I called the ex-mother-in-law who has one of the kids in the sibling group. She confirmed that the local kids were going to unsupervised in home visits every Saturday. She also told me that mama's psychiatrist had recommended weekend visits, the department said no visits, and the judge compromised and made the visits Saturday only.
Ex-MIL told me that she has also been told, like myself and one of the other foster parents, that the department is going to ask for termination in December. What we don't understand is that if they are less than six weeks from terminating, why are they starting in home unsupervised visits? The kids have been in care for over four years, there have never been any unsupervised visits, why would they start unsupervised visits less than six weeks before they terminate rights?
I spoke to CPS this week and they told me that there were no significant changes. Wait, unsupervised visits aren't significant? Of course, I haven't even seen my CPS caseworker since July, and the only reason I saw him then was that he was forced by the judge to lay eyes on the kids before we took them on vacation.
I have long since concluded that the department is either dishonest or incompetent, or that there is a larger criminal force at work here. Remember this is the department who couldn't find a criminal record on someone who was sitting in jail on a probation violation. Why, because they forgot that one can also commit federal crimes. Oops. It frightens me that the welfare of my children are in these hands.
We have been cautioned by our attorney to not distinguish our kids from the sibling group, as that might leave the sibling group vulnerable to reunification. It is easier to reunify three than six. Yet, I am at the point that I don't care. I need to look out for my children, and my family.
I MUST remember that God is in control. I would like it most if we could sit down and speak Mommy to Mama, but it has been forbidden. So, this is something that I will have to leave to Him. I hate it, I want to be able to do something. This is not what I envisioned when I took that call four years ago. This all must stop, and soon.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Great Love
And here is how to measure it - the greatest love is shown when people lay down their lives for their friends. John 15:13 NLT
I may be more familiar to you in the NIV
Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
I had always assumed that this meant to die for someone else. Our orientation into foster care gave me a different perspective. I'm sure you probably have an idea of what your family will look like when it's complete. Well groomed, well behaved smiling cherubs on your annual Christmas card. What about the other 364 days?
What happens when your perfect scenario come up, but comes with three siblings? What happens when one sibling in the group is not right for your situation. What if you're married to the problem child's father or mother?
I will admit that I've failed many times in the department of giving up my life, so there is no condemnation here. But I being the bigger person literally, shouldn't I have been the bigger person figuratively? How would it have changed my life to love them anyway? How would it have changed theirs? It's hard to weigh, but we've always tried to go with what was best for the whole. It's only easier on paper to have to give up on a child in foster care. It's still a child that you were given to love, and it's difficult to admit that love ain't always enough. When you married into it, biblically there isn't much choice. I don't have step children, but know many step parents, and from what I hear, it ain't easy.
I had to lay down my vision of the perfect family. I know my husband laid down his. And every day, we lay down a little more of our life for them. It's not because we are better, or stronger or have it more together, we certainly don't. I would like nothing more than to wave a magic wand and finalize this adoption, and yet I have to lay that down. New opportunities, in new places we have to lay down. Our lives are not our own, and tomorrow, we will lay them down again.
I may be more familiar to you in the NIV
Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
I had always assumed that this meant to die for someone else. Our orientation into foster care gave me a different perspective. I'm sure you probably have an idea of what your family will look like when it's complete. Well groomed, well behaved smiling cherubs on your annual Christmas card. What about the other 364 days?
What happens when your perfect scenario come up, but comes with three siblings? What happens when one sibling in the group is not right for your situation. What if you're married to the problem child's father or mother?
I will admit that I've failed many times in the department of giving up my life, so there is no condemnation here. But I being the bigger person literally, shouldn't I have been the bigger person figuratively? How would it have changed my life to love them anyway? How would it have changed theirs? It's hard to weigh, but we've always tried to go with what was best for the whole. It's only easier on paper to have to give up on a child in foster care. It's still a child that you were given to love, and it's difficult to admit that love ain't always enough. When you married into it, biblically there isn't much choice. I don't have step children, but know many step parents, and from what I hear, it ain't easy.
I had to lay down my vision of the perfect family. I know my husband laid down his. And every day, we lay down a little more of our life for them. It's not because we are better, or stronger or have it more together, we certainly don't. I would like nothing more than to wave a magic wand and finalize this adoption, and yet I have to lay that down. New opportunities, in new places we have to lay down. Our lives are not our own, and tomorrow, we will lay them down again.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Can't Wait 'Til That Frontal Lobe Gets Done
Sometimes I just don't get the teens. Last night Big Boy wanted a bottle, so he emptied an entire, new mind you, bottle of dish soap into the sink. We have a soap dispenser not 10 inches from the sink he could have easily emptied the entire contents of the bottle into, but noooooo.
His reasoning? I had not spent any money out of pocket for it, therefore it didn't cost me anything. Therefore, it had no value.
I took the real cost of the soap out of his allowance. My reasoning, he hadn't yet received the money, therefore it had no value to him. I was wrong, it did have value to him. I still don't think he gets it, maybe in six years.... I won't hold my breath.
His reasoning? I had not spent any money out of pocket for it, therefore it didn't cost me anything. Therefore, it had no value.
I took the real cost of the soap out of his allowance. My reasoning, he hadn't yet received the money, therefore it had no value to him. I was wrong, it did have value to him. I still don't think he gets it, maybe in six years.... I won't hold my breath.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Dear babies
I hope you are having fun at Hannah's house. I understand the purpose of respite is to allow us time to get caught up on things, but it's awfully quiet around here. Last night during dinner, I sat down the entire time. When bedtime rolled around, there were no blankies to find, no drinks to fetch.
I don't think that God intended mommies to sleep until 9:00, I got bored and restless, despite being sick. I could handle it no longer, I got up and cooked breakfast for the boys.
The garbage man came and went, and no one cared. The big boys did not fight for a prime window seat to watch him do his job. I noticed, but again, no one cared. I will say it's not nearly as exciting here without you.
So, we will enjoy the quiet here today, but will be so happy when we can see you again.
I don't think that God intended mommies to sleep until 9:00, I got bored and restless, despite being sick. I could handle it no longer, I got up and cooked breakfast for the boys.
The garbage man came and went, and no one cared. The big boys did not fight for a prime window seat to watch him do his job. I noticed, but again, no one cared. I will say it's not nearly as exciting here without you.
So, we will enjoy the quiet here today, but will be so happy when we can see you again.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Dear Fire Department
To whom it may concern:
A 5 lb fire extinguisher? In the kitchen? Mounted? Really? You saw my kitchen. It's gorgeous. Where in the decor would that fit? I've looked diligently for a decorative container to keep it in, there aren't any. Having just remodeled my kitchen, had I known thesestupid new requirements, I would have factored that into the decor.
Also, I have had many fire inspections, this being my seventh. Why is it that each inspector has a different opinion as to the placement of smoke detectors? And aren't detectors BOTH in and out of the bedrooms a little redundant?
My last, but certainly not least issue....our dead bolts. If there is a window near the door, the police insist that we have a keyed lock, you however insist that we have a non-keyed lock. Which inspector am I supposed to listen to? Am I supposed to keep my family safe from home invasions or fire? Which is more likely? Also, if there is a fire, I will have a 5 lb extinguisher close at hand.
And for convenience, you might have your brother Joe come in right behind you selling enormous fire extinguishers and smoke detectors out of the trunk of his car.
Sincerely,
Annie
A 5 lb fire extinguisher? In the kitchen? Mounted? Really? You saw my kitchen. It's gorgeous. Where in the decor would that fit? I've looked diligently for a decorative container to keep it in, there aren't any. Having just remodeled my kitchen, had I known these
Also, I have had many fire inspections, this being my seventh. Why is it that each inspector has a different opinion as to the placement of smoke detectors? And aren't detectors BOTH in and out of the bedrooms a little redundant?
My last, but certainly not least issue....our dead bolts. If there is a window near the door, the police insist that we have a keyed lock, you however insist that we have a non-keyed lock. Which inspector am I supposed to listen to? Am I supposed to keep my family safe from home invasions or fire? Which is more likely? Also, if there is a fire, I will have a 5 lb extinguisher close at hand.
And for convenience, you might have your brother Joe come in right behind you selling enormous fire extinguishers and smoke detectors out of the trunk of his car.
Sincerely,
Annie
Court
We've got a hearing in our case coming up on December 3rd. I haven't gotten word from our paralegal as to what is going to transpire. He just tells me that it's a placement hearing and he's waiting to hear from the other attorney. If I ever got to speak to the actual attorney, I'd see if she'd try to push mediation. I HATE THIS.
Also have other friends, one is in court today, please pray for a positive outcome. There are some INSANELY BAD things going on there.
Also Hannah's attorneys were in court on Thursday filing her appeal. It could take up to a year for an answer. The prosecutor was on tv last night saying something I'll misquote here, "we offered her a deal, she wanted to go all or nothing on capital murder" no I think she didn't want to plead guilty to committing a crime that she didn't. I admire that, I probably would have pleaded to stay out of jail and with my family, but I totally get it. They probably wouldn't let her plead "nolo" which is, "I'm not saying I'm guilty, but I concede to the fact that you will probably convict me anyway."
Just keep all of these things in mind when you wish the government would do more. It's not their job and they don't do it well.
Also have other friends, one is in court today, please pray for a positive outcome. There are some INSANELY BAD things going on there.
Also Hannah's attorneys were in court on Thursday filing her appeal. It could take up to a year for an answer. The prosecutor was on tv last night saying something I'll misquote here, "we offered her a deal, she wanted to go all or nothing on capital murder" no I think she didn't want to plead guilty to committing a crime that she didn't. I admire that, I probably would have pleaded to stay out of jail and with my family, but I totally get it. They probably wouldn't let her plead "nolo" which is, "I'm not saying I'm guilty, but I concede to the fact that you will probably convict me anyway."
Just keep all of these things in mind when you wish the government would do more. It's not their job and they don't do it well.
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