Christmas Help NEEDED

Christmas is coming and stores all over have bins to drop in toys. This is such a good thing, and many foster and adoptive families are so blessed by the gifts they receive. The problem is, the older the child, the less they get. Also, the biological and previously adopted children get nothing. So, this is my focus this year. The families as a whole and the older foster children. The children that are in middle school and high school.

Anyone who has children this age know what I'm about to say. I don't even know what to buy my own kids, let alone someone else's kid, and how ticked off you'd be if someone bought your kids something that required additional purchases by you. So, God love the gift card.

I'm looking into the tax implications of receiving the donations myself, but will probably have you forward them to the agencies I'll be working with. If you can donate a gift card to Target or Best Buy or some other place let me know, I'll let you know where to send them. If you could keep them at $25 that would make it fair for everyone.

I would also like grocery gift cards for the families, also in the $25 range. So, rally round and thanks a lot. You have no idea the blessing this will be.

AAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHH

I've said it before, and it's been following me since, but girls, let us stop worshiping at the altar of the Proverbs 31 woman. I read a book, some guy is pointing out how all women should strive to be like her. (When you read my book on how to be a man we can talk.) I turn on the radio, and there she is offering advice. I randomly pick a blog, and someone is telling everyone how she longs to be a P31. I am completely sick of it.

I don't know who wrote it, neither do I care. All that I know is this is about a woman who was adored by her family for all that she did for them. I am that, and have done it with very little striving. I am far from perfect and my husband adores me. I am not at model weight and yet he thinks I'm sexy. I am not up before the family, and he steps in and takes care of what needs to be done. He let's me sleep in on weekends, I haven't sewn anything in years, although I did "make my own bed clothes", and he was kind enough to have it quilted for me for Christmas. I cook, sometimes I clean, I do laundry, but I've given up on striving.

What we are working on here is balance. We've been working on it for more than a decade, and we are almost completely happy, almost all of the time. And I'm sure right before one of us dies, we'll get the perfect balance.

If she were THE role model for women I think Jesus might have mentioned her somewhere, but he didn't hang in her circle. He even told Martha, who was complaining about Mary sitting around, that Mary knew what was more important, (maybe it was the other way around, but you know what I mean). If I'm going to try to be like somebody, I want to be like Jesus.

I am born

It sounds silly. I am born. No one ever says it that way. They say I was born. They joined their family of origin by being born. Some children join a family by being adopted. From then on they were adopted. They don't continue to be adopted. It's a one time thing, not a lifelong sentence.

I know I'm probably being too pc about it all, but I don't like when people say "oh, she's adopted". No she isn't, she was; now she's a part of the family. When people say "I'm adopted" it sounds like they are setting themselves apart from the family they joined.

Of course we could solve this whole dilemma if everyone would just refer to it as either, I was born of the body or I was born of the heart. Let's work on that people.

Decisions

It's something all born of the heart parents will have to come to terms with. The bio family. Will they be involved? Should they be involved? How involved? Under what circumstances do the born of the heart parents allow or disallow involvement? When you adopt internationally the decision is made for you. If that's the case, then how do you deal with the child's story of how they came to be your born of the heart baby? Private adoptions are worked out before hand, hopefully. With foster/adopt unless the bio-parents relinquish of their own free will, all ties can be severed, but what is the right thing to do? If I were on the other side, what would I want? What would be best? What would Jesus do?

I know there will probably come a day when the babies wonder where they came from. They do not look like us, I have no intention of never mentioning their mama, but will my answers be enough to satisfy?

Of course you can find volumes of advice, all valid points, on either side of the contact fence. My least favorite is that the children will be confused about who their mom is. I don't agree that that's a problem. Children don't wonder why they have two grandma's, or even three or four. They see it as more people to love them. Another valid point is the influence factor. Will the bio family negatively influence the children? Or will the mystery build up some fantasy family that we cannot live up to? Of course if you feel your child would be in danger, that's a no brainer.

I personally don't know what it's like to be adopted. My ex-husband was adopted at birth, but even at 25 felt as if no one wanted him. He always knew he had been adopted, but somewhere along the line he got the message that it was because he was unwanted. I hope that our babies know that we adopted them not because their mama couldn't care for them, but because we wanted them.

I don't know how we're going to deal with it. I do not feel threatened by my babies' born of the body mama. I also don't want the children to forget her. I am very thankful for her giving life to three of my children, but it's hard to thank God for her knowing what she's allowed to come into their lives. I will have to do my best and give God the rest.