Decisions

It's something all born of the heart parents will have to come to terms with. The bio family. Will they be involved? Should they be involved? How involved? Under what circumstances do the born of the heart parents allow or disallow involvement? When you adopt internationally the decision is made for you. If that's the case, then how do you deal with the child's story of how they came to be your born of the heart baby? Private adoptions are worked out before hand, hopefully. With foster/adopt unless the bio-parents relinquish of their own free will, all ties can be severed, but what is the right thing to do? If I were on the other side, what would I want? What would be best? What would Jesus do?

I know there will probably come a day when the babies wonder where they came from. They do not look like us, I have no intention of never mentioning their mama, but will my answers be enough to satisfy?

Of course you can find volumes of advice, all valid points, on either side of the contact fence. My least favorite is that the children will be confused about who their mom is. I don't agree that that's a problem. Children don't wonder why they have two grandma's, or even three or four. They see it as more people to love them. Another valid point is the influence factor. Will the bio family negatively influence the children? Or will the mystery build up some fantasy family that we cannot live up to? Of course if you feel your child would be in danger, that's a no brainer.

I personally don't know what it's like to be adopted. My ex-husband was adopted at birth, but even at 25 felt as if no one wanted him. He always knew he had been adopted, but somewhere along the line he got the message that it was because he was unwanted. I hope that our babies know that we adopted them not because their mama couldn't care for them, but because we wanted them.

I don't know how we're going to deal with it. I do not feel threatened by my babies' born of the body mama. I also don't want the children to forget her. I am very thankful for her giving life to three of my children, but it's hard to thank God for her knowing what she's allowed to come into their lives. I will have to do my best and give God the rest.