Thursday, December 27, 2007

Old journal entry that needed sharing

This is from the fall of '06.

I have a two year old who is OBSESSED with the song, quoting him "ohnoyouneverletgothroughthecalmandthroughthestorm". Every time we get into the car he starts saying "ohnoyouneverletgothroughthecalmandthroughthestorm", as if saying it over and over and over will magically make it appear on the radio. Every one is required to sing along, he even said to the shy sitter "SING TINA". Of course I could just go buy the cd, but it just so happened that it was that time of the month, financially speaking, mortgage, utilities, bills, bills bills. I have to try daily not to impulse buy things and hope for the best. So I said "God I need $10 to buy this boy a cd."

This morning I woke to a surprise bonus and was feeling all thankful until lunch when I checked our account. We were OVERDRAWN by $637. I had no idea what we'd spent $1500 on and the online entry just said "pending". My husband and had absolutely no clue as to what the $1500 was for, but until the pending was updated, there was no use fighting over it.

I was pouting as I started a load of laundry, when I was clearing pockets I found a $10 bill. Kind of thankful, but more snotty brat. I informed God that cd's really cost closer to $20, and we'd probably need the $10 to feed the starving masses. His answer to me was "you said $10, I gave you $10, go buy the boy a cd".

My little temper tantrum, obsessive forensic accounting of the morning had put me behind schedule. Our two year old had a play therapy appointment, and we were running late. Not everyone appreciates the "sorry I'm late, God told me to go shopping", excuse. But it was true and maybe she'd set me up with some much needed therapy for myself.

I hurry into the the Bible book store and quickly locate the Matt Redman cd's. That song is on NONE of the cd's. Browsing, browsing, browsing I see a sale rack of compilation cd's. BRIGHT yellow sticker "You Never Let Go" SALE $9.97. Could you be a little more clear God? I don't think so.

The therapist was running late. Our bank card number had been stolen and the bank never took the money out of our account, and I was reminded once again through our two year old that You never let go, through the calm and through the storm. Every high and every low. You never let go of me.

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