I wonder if it's coincindence.

For a year or two, I don't know it all runs together, but for a long while Felpsy didn't sleep in his bed. He has a bed, he has always had his own bed in our house, and it was never used. If you asked him it was because of "all the blood" that he would rather sleep on the hardwood floor than on his bed.

When he was first placed with us at 19 months he didn't talk. Unless you count "MOM" as the worst swear word you've ever heard. Other than that he didn't talk. And when we put him in his bed he cried, and cried and cried. Ferber didn't work with him. When he did sleep in was short, and he always woke up screaming. Always. It was not until this year, two and a half years after placement that screaming did not greet us with the rising sun. Every day.

We practiced many hours how to wake up. We would "sleep," we would "wake up," we would "look around to see where we are," and we would say "good morning mom." We did this day in and day out, and we would eventually hear "good morning mom," but only after the initial screams.

He finally learned to wake up without screaming. He eventually found his way into bed. He's been there for awhile, without much anxiety. Until recently. He's back on the floor. Because of all the blood.

As it would turn out, and he couldn't know this, the anniversary of his removal from his first family is rapidly approaching. He couldn't know this because the last time he lived with his first family he was six months old. I've found that six month old children do not keep a close eye on the calendar.

So, I wonder if it is just a coincidence that he is back on the floor tonight. Snuggled up safely between his door and the baby gate that we no longer need.