Wednesday, September 17, 2008

If Anyone Knew

So, we all have things we don't necessarily like to share. Truth be told, there are very few sold out Jesus freaks from the cradle to the grave. Sometimes, but more often than not the emphasis is more so on the freak than Jesus. I think when you find a true freak from birth that you will find some Jesus freak parents whose lives were a little more scandalous. Or that the freak has been set apart for their role. Those of us who led scandalous lives know the true power of Jesus, yet we hide.

I have always loved Jesus. I loved going to church as a little girl. Loving the church didn't last, but I always loved Jesus. I found that the church was full of people who were pretending to be perfect, because if 'anyone knew' ....(fill in your own blanks). So all I saw were people who acted perfect, because they wanted to be perfect, missing the point that because of Jesus they already were.

Our current election is very divisive on the issue of "choice." Should there be choice? Should the government be involved? In what cases do we deem a choice to be acceptable. I have my opinions but am still quick to say that I never made 'that choice.' I shouldn't be so quick to praise myself, set myself apart from the millions of women who do. I've spoken to women who are only slightly younger than I, who grew up thinking that it was merely a medical option in the event of an untimely pregnancy. They thought that way, because they were taught that way. They thought that way, until they knew exactly how wrong they were. Women need to hear this, before it's too late.

I understand 'choice' I first got pregnant when I was 18, in college, and of course not married. There was no thought as to what I would do. By that time in our history one out of wedlock baby was acceptable. Three years later, I found myself in the same predicament, with another guy. There I was attempting college for the second time, pregnant with my second out of wedlock child, late for my first day of class because of morning sickness. I sat next to someone close to the end of an isle who didn't seem scary. Before we even had exchanged pleasantries she had pulled two things out of her bag. She asked me if I needed either. I told her it was too late on both counts. Too late for the condom as I was already pregnant, and didn't need the Bible because it was just too late.

I, in my naive little mind, could not grasp that God could do anything with my life. I was about one poor choice from a Jerry Springer highlight reel. Luckily, God had other plans. He was able to use even my own rebellion to weave a beautiful story for my life. He has knit together a not so perfect family where this scandalous woman gets a primary role.

My adult life has identified mostly with the woman caught in adultery. Naked and a mess at the feet of Jesus, too ashamed to ask for the grace and mercy that only He can give, and unaware that the crowd has gone. They, too afraid of their own exposure have retreated into their own lives, hoping that know one really knows that which they are too ashamed to speak of.


Rebekah said...

Wow. What an amazing testimony. I love to see the redemption that comes through God's amazing grace. I'm living it too.

hsmomma5 said...

Thank you for sharing your beautiful story. I think that even if we have not been in the same situation, there are many other situations in our lives that can parallel to yours. Thank the Lord for his grace and mercy!

JustTheFactsMa'am said...

You are brave and I'm glad to know you. Thank God for mercy 'cause without it, not one of us is blameless enough to cast the first stone. We'd all be naked and afraid at Jesus' feet, too.

As for the issue of "Choice," everyone has a choice. And we all have to pay the consequences for our decisions. I tend to wish it were illegal at the same time that I would like to see less government involvement in pretty much every aspect of our's a conundrum. The only thing that ISN'T a conundrum to me is that so-called Choice is murder of the unborn.

Anyway, thanks for this post. May it encourage many others.

Love you.